There are times in your life when you hear nagging thoughts in your mind telling you, "Hey you! you are not enough.", casting self-doubt in your mind and hindering your accomplishments.
This whole negative pep talk we hear is called inner-critic. I had one too. I named my inner critic Susan. Pretty name, right? But I can assure you she was the meanest of all the souls I have ever encountered. She was always there to remind me that I am not good enough and berate me constantly.
Phew! But I got rid of her. How? You'll Know Soon.
Let's first talk about Inner Critic. It is a voice in our head that constantly criticizes, belittles, and judges us.
Psychologists (and by Psychologists, I mean Sigmund Freud IFYKYK ) mostly believe that an inner critic is formed because of a painful childhood experience in which we might have experienced or witnessed hurtful emotions and attitudes toward us or someone close to us. We unconsciously adopt this thought pattern towards ourselves as we age
What does Impact of Inner Critic Look Like?
Our inner critic is cruel and damaging. Susan (My Used to Be Inner Critic) destroyed every accomplishment for me. I never felt good after achieving, even though it was impressive. She kept on magnifying the negative thoughts in my life, which started affecting my mental health. Fortunately, I found some effective strategies to weaken its power. Let me tell you a few examples of what an inner critic looks like:
Guilty Trip: Your inner critic makes you stuck in your past. There's no running from it. It keeps reminding you of your mistakes, making it nearly impossible to forgive yourself. It holds you accountable for your behavior with any of your relations according to society's norms.
Disciplinarian: Your inner critic constantly pokes you to tell you that you are lazy and will be judged for your failure making you work extra hard while taking the credit. There were times when I used to work so hard that both my mind and body were exhausted, but I was still grateful to Susan for pushing me. I didn't realize how this extra work was affecting me. I needed to take a break but did I? No. Its constant push sometimes activates a procrastinator or a rebel inside me, ready to fight against all the harsh dictators.
Undermining Queen: My inner critic (Susan) undermined my self-confidence and self-esteem so well that I was afraid of taking any risks in life. The first thoughts that would come to mind were, "Are you sure?", "I don't think I can pull this off," and "It is because I am not worthy of it." I started fearing being seen and judged by people. Being too big or too visible while being judged or waiting for another failure made me realize that it was not okay to feel this way.
Sucker for Perfection: Honestly speaking, I still am a perfectionist, but at some point, in my life, I was obsessed with perfection. Anything I would do, Susan would keep telling me, 'This is bad! If you are doing something, at least do a good job.' My standards of good were so high that it was difficult for other people to work with me, making them distant, even my family members.
That was some serious negative talk up there but let me share with you some of my solutions.
Let us now talk about how I built my inner critic into an inner coach. I did a lot of research and study, and then I came up with these few pointers. Trust me, They have changed my life, and I wish the same for you.
Here are the few pointers:
1. Spoil Yourself with Self Kindness Show some empathy to yourself more than anyone else. You, yourself deserve your love and empathy more than anyone else. Next time when you hear your inner critic, stop and show some empathy towards YOUR behavior, feelings, and thoughts.
2. Learn How It Started? Get curious about your inner critic. Start digging into your past and find what has triggered your inner critic to get a proper insight into it. Who does it remind you of? Could there be any underlying triggers or events that could have been the reason for its emergence? Observe it. Track it down. It can help you stop reinforcing it.
3. Notice when your Inner Critic Appears Stay alert and aware of the situations or people which trigger your inner critic. It will help you to ignore or prepare beforehand for any triggers. You could even build your mantras that work for you to alter these negative thoughts. For Example, when my Inner critic tries to make a comeback, I start repeating a few positive compliments for myself. Works like magic.
4. Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a short-term therapy that teaches techniques to help alter negative thoughts for uncomfortable situations or relationships. It would help you feel more in control of your thoughts and change negative thinking into positive thinking.
How to know you need Therapy?
If these mantras don’t help you silence your inner critic, then I believe it is time to think about meeting a Life Coach or mental health professional. There's no shame in asking for help from someone else. They can provide better aid to your ache and insights to keep your inner critic in control. Another sign would be if you face the anxiety that something bad is going to happen or depression because of it.
In the end, all I want to say is Sophie had a great effect on my brain. There were times when I was feeling my lowest but when I knew that this is not, what I want, I worked hard to get rid of her. Honestly speaking I don’t miss her. Not even by an inch. We were in a toxic relationship that was not even romantic.
So, get out there! Use these techniques and start complimenting and appreciating yourself for your hard work and for being UNIQUELY YOU!